Jeff – Jeff is from Friends Re-united Dating dot com. He describes himself as: ‘Jeff5470. I am a 43 year old divorced man with dark brown hair and blue eyes. I am 5 ft 11 tall slim, living in Ringwood’. For those of you for whom geography is a subject that was consigned to the bin as a fourteen year old (to which group I include myself), Ringwood is in the New Forest. Guessed yet?
Amongst the hilarity of the evening in the pub was the question of ‘shall we go and see what Jeff is really like?’. I had been chatting occasionally to Jeff over the past weeks and had indicated that a group of unruly women could descend on the pub in which he works. However, the option of a bottle or two of wine in Foxfield House won out and Jeff was kicked into touch.
Having driven home the option of sussing out Jeff was put out of my mind completely. However this was not the case for Cilla and Sharon (have I told you that they are sisters….?), who decided that they would suss him out for themselves a couple of days later and the following text conversation ensued:
Cilla: ‘We are in The Star, no Jeff.’
Jane: ‘Lol you tart!’
Cilla: ‘We couldn’t resist it!’
Jane: ‘Ask when he’s next in!’
Cilla: ‘That is taking friendship too far!’
Jane: ‘Lol you know you’re only doing it to get into the next chapter!’
Cilla: ‘You guessed. We have booked the Abbey for George and Mily!’
Jane: ‘Did he like her photo?’
Cilla: ‘Sharon will send a picture of George. Now the dowries. George comes with a collie, no goats!’ (Sam is the collie with the screw loose.)
Jane: ‘Collie’s fine, want the Dandy too.’ (Dandy is the tent thing that can be towed behind a car and opened up into sleeping quarters.)
Cilla: ‘Only if Mark comes too.’ (Mark is the boring old fart husband who isn’t in the least bit attractive but is very good at giving directions to very stupid redheads.)
Jane: ‘Bugger off’
Cilla: ‘No picture of bridegroom on way.’ x
Jane: ‘Sweet dreams!’
Cilla: ‘You too.’ x
Jeff is clearly not on the agenda, but having been sent a picture of Rupert, I can quite see why Cilla and Sharon drool – a fine figure of a man, holding a falcon, whilst sitting on a horse in a very, very short outfit – clearly multi-tasking – perhaps he’s really a woman in drag…..
The forthcoming nuptials of George and Mily however are gathering steam as they roll along at speed. A meeting of the dream team and the first meeting of the intended pair will take place at the Dorset Steam Fair at the end of August. Watch this space!